Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day!!  I hope you all have wonderful days whether you are part of a couple or still single.  I for the most part have always enjoyed this day, even when I was single.  Sure it could be a bit lonely and slightly depressing if I let it, but at the same time it was always wonderful watching the couples around me and the happiness that seemed to float infectiously in the air.  I always tried to be mindful and not rain on their parade just because I didn’t have a significant other, because they once too, were single and who am I to begrudge them that they had found their match. 

This year however, I wasn’t completely sure how to approach Valentine’s Day.  When I was married my Ex was always very good about sending flowers, giving me cards and chocolate, and taking me out.  He was sweet like that, I will give the man credit where it is due, but it all just lacked that spark, that fire that I knew I should feel.  For me during those years I could take or leave Valentine’s Day.  This Valentine’s Day though had me stumped.  I remember the burst of excitement that hit me when I realized Zac and I would be getting to spend our first Valentine’s Day together.  However, once that initial excitement calmed down a bit I started trying to figure out how I should approach this day.  I didn’t know if he was the kind of guy to make a big deal out of Valentine’s Day or if he was the kind of guy that just grimaced through it doing just enough to appease me.  So, I did what any nervous nelly would do and I ignored bringing the subject up because I just wasn’t sure I wanted to know how he handled Valentine’s Day and didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment.

I needn’t have worried though.  He was the one that started willingly bringing up the topic and asking me what I wanted to do for Valentine’s Day etc.  When I told him it wasn’t a big deal to me and we didn’t have to do anything and he didn’t have to buy me anything (we’re a bit tight for money at the moment) he wasn’t having any of it.  He confirmed he would be getting me something for Valentine’s Day, especially since he had to miss Christmas and my birthday, it wouldn’t be much, but he vowed it would be something.  He was also genuinely disappointed that he would be working today and wouldn’t be able to take me out tonight, so he has made plans to take me to dinner and a movie this weekend as a late celebration.  In the meantime, when getting a drink at 4am this morning I was met by beautiful soft peach roses with a sweet note on the card and there was a candy valentine and bouquet of red heart shaped lollipops for Lily.  I melted right then and there and he enjoyed the cards Lily and I had picked out for him and left for him to find when he came home from work.  Neither of us did anything extravagant, but for me it was just right.  The thing I loved the most was how he picked out roses that are already, mostly opened.  He remembered that I told him I have a hard time getting roses to bloom when someone gives them to me.  That little detail right there is what meant the world to me. 

Safe and Sound

Well for all of you who have been wondering, Zac made it here safe and sound around nine o’clock Friday night.  Since then I have been in absolute heaven.  We have spent our time hanging out with friends, doing household things, and hours of cuddling and other *ahem* stuff. 

We hit a bump when we were out Saturday night when an overly zealous and affectionate old aquaintance saw him and didn’t seem to get the hint to quit hugging my boyfriend like he was going out of style.  He did well though and introduced me as his girlfriend, apologized to me for her behavior and it led us to talk about the issues we’d had on New Years Eve and he understood what had hurt my feelings and apologized.  We both agreed we are still learning about each other and how to be in a realtionship again.  I am so thank ful for his patience with me in this respect.  I’ve always had a bit of a…protective streak to me when it comes to people I am with.  I had thought this had gotten better over the last few years but…evidently not.  I am definately going to have to work on retracting my claws a bit better.  However, being able to speak up and tell him why something bothers me makes a huge difference.  In the past the guys I was with would get upset with me when I would try to do this and think I was being stupid or silly, but not Zac.  He listens and takes my feelings into account.  He even updated his Facebook status to “in a realationship” with me late that night.  That one simple gesture meant so much to me.

We spent last night cooking supper together, spending time with Lily and watching a movie.  Cooking together is one of my favorite things and I had forgotten how much I had missed it.  Today he went and got the job he was wanting and started tonight.  He’s working the extended 2nd shift which means he’s working from 3pm to 1am and sometimes even 3 to 3.  I won’t get to see him a whole lot during the week this way, but at least I will still get to snuggle in close to him for part of the night before I have to get up and go to work.  I’m thankful he found a good job doing what he enjoys and I am so proud of him. 

I never would have dreamt that he and I would wind up where we are together…although thinking back on our friendship the last couple of years it helps certain things make sense.  There were little moments here and there with us that I never forgot, now I think they were just premonitions or signs of what was to come.  He is an amazing man and I consider myself the luckiest girl in the world to be with him, to feel that fire when we kiss and relish the sound of his voice saying “I love you”.

Quickie

I don’t have time for a proper post, but at least wanted to share some great news.  As of Friday Zac will be here for good!!!!!!!!!  It has been an incredibly stressful month trying to get things figured out and get him here permanently.  There have many days I just wanted to sit down and cry from frustration, but thankfully things came through and all worked out.  Now, I will spend the next day preparing for a whole new chapter in a life we will share together.

Witchy Woman

Who all has ever watched the show Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman?  C’mon raise your mice; I know at least some of you have.  I absolutely loved the show when I was young and watched it faithfully every night…mainly due to the dreamy character of Sully, played by Joe Lando.  Well good ol’ Sully has sucked me in again.  I ran across an old episode the other night and have since started watching it again.  I know it’s basically silly, dramatic drivel but I love it, minus of course one thing…Dr. Quinn aka Dr. Mike (yes the main character) played by Jane Seymour.  The woman will drive you batty with her whispery voice you have to strain to hear and petulant attitude.  It’s almost enough to make you not watch the show, however Sully saves the day. 

Well, as I was getting my “body of a Greek god in buckskin pants” Sully fix last night I came to a horrible, horrible realization.  On Saturday night, I, the giver of intelligent advice to my friends, had turned into Dr. Mike.  The horror of this made my stomach drop to the floor.  You see on Saturday night Zac and I had our first…argument, no…fight, no…we’ll call it a bad failure to communicate.  To top it off it involved Facebook (yes the shame of it, I know).  Avoiding details let’s just say what happened tapped into some of my more inner core fears that can still bother me and well between stress, distance, modern technology and the fact I’d polished off a bottle of left over champagne my fears got the better of me and I reacted like a stupid girl.  Don’t get me wrong, I was justified in why the root of the problem upset me, I just chose to react purely out of emotion instead of logic which is always a bad thing. 

To his credit, he didn’t run away from me screaming…partially because he chose to ignore my attempts at communication until 3am, but still he didn’t make a big deal out of my reaction.  In fact at 3am when he decided that he probably shouldn’t have ignored me for so long he was a bit on the emotional, worried side himself.  I had had time to calm down and think a bit more rationally and he’d had time to understand why I was upset, that the reasoning behind all of it went much deeper than silly FB stuff.  We both said our “I’m sorry’s” and for the first time we said “I love you” to each other.  Granted, I’m still not completely satisfied with his answer on the issue, but for now I have to have faith in him and remember that he is not the other guys who have hurt me.  And in remembering this perhaps I will be able to keep my wits about me a bit better next time we have an issue and not behave like one of my least favorite characters of all time.   

A Little Late

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year a little late!  Sorry I’ve been MIA recently with my posts, things have just been busy.  Christmas came and went and was a good one…minus the fact that I was sick.  Then there was the New Year, my birthday was on the 5th and Zac has been here and gone again.

I am looking forward to what this year will bring, although I will admit it would be great if things could go just a bit smoother with the Zac moving thing.  I went and got him on the 30th and originally it was supposed to be us actually getting him moved here.  But some complications have popped up so it was just for a visit.  We rang in the new year together with my friends, I will say it wasn’t as good of a night as it could have been, he was a bit of a jackass parts of the night.  However, he wasn’t the only one that was off that night, all of us just seemed off and it wasn’t the greatest night for anyone.  I am just thankful for the parts that were really good and the fact that he was here with me to bring our new year in with a kiss. 

The rest of his time here was wonderful, it’ s the longest he’s been here at one time and it just brought us that much closer together.  He and Lily did more bonding, they went to the store together, there were hugs and kisses and “goodnights” at bedtime and more than once she went over gave him hugs and kisses and said “I love you”.  I melted just a bit more the day he had to leave, we dropped her off at daycare together and he looked at her and  promised he’d be back soon and said “I love you Lily monster”.  Granted, she didn’t even look at him because she was mad he was leaving, but still I know she is crazy about him too and that means the world to me. 

For me I loved having him around for the everday things and having him by my side again during the night…I think I even finally snored in front of him and he was sweet enough not to say anything.  Then again I ignored it when he farted in bed so I guess we are even there.  He has started calling me “babe” and butterflies fly around in my stomach when he does it.  My family all still love him, even my Dad.  They are all in agreeance that I am happier and more at ease with him than I ever was with the Ex.  Anyone that’s been around us long has noticed how happy he makes me. 

We talked about future plans, vacations we want to take the kids on, vehicles we want to get and plans for our house.  We’ve pretty much decided that we will be moving into a different place, one that we can call our own and make it into a home together.  We have so many of the same ideas for it, it all just fits.  I just hope we can get past the obstacles that have presented themselves with him moving here.  It is hard to be patient but in order to do things we have no choice but to be patient.  Just have to keep on having faith that things will work out in the end. 

My birthday was also a very good one Thursday night.  Zac couldn’t be here for it, but he was sure to be one of the first one’s to tell me Happy Birthday via text in the wee hours of the morning.  It was karaoke night so that’s what I chose to do.  So many of my friends showed up and made it an amazing night.  They all got up and sang “happy birthday” to me and had all chipped in to get me a cupcake cake complete with candles.  Blowing out candles and making a wish has always been my favorite thing on my birthday.  By the end of the night I was tired, happy and a bit tipsy.  Minus Zac not being here for it, it was probably the best birthday I’ve had in years.  So far, 2012 has blessed me in many ways.

Like a Princess

For the few hours I get to be with him on the weekends he is here I feel like I am living my very own fairytale.  Granted it comes complete with everyday good things and bad, but it is absolutely amazing.  Our night out on Saturday made me feel like a princess straight out of a story book.

I love dancing, there is something so romantic about it for me.  I’ve always loved and envied those parts on movies, at weddings or other dances where you watch a couple get swept away just being together, twirling away in their own little world.  This is the very thing Zac gave to me on Saturday.  We had crashed a company Christmas party at the invite of my friend Haley and her husband.  It was his company Christmas party and it just so happens to be the company Zac has applied to for a job.  All of the company related things were over and there was karaoke, great people and yes, dancing involved. 

Haley gave Zac the initial nudge to dance with me, she thought he was going to put up a fight about it, but all he said was “I will dance with her” grabbed my hand and led me out onto the floor.  I know I had the goofiest grin ever on my face when he wrapped one arm around my waist and took my hand into his with the other.  He had told me once that he liked to dance and was good at it, I had had a hard time believing it, until he led me away to Walking in Memphis.  We danced semi effortlessly together, I was a bit clumsy here and there since it’s been over a decade since I had danced with anyone who knew how.  He didn’t just sway to the music, he stepped to it and even twirled me.  I felt like I was floating off the ground it was such a perfect moment and he made it even more so when the song came to a close and he pulled me tighter, whispered “thank you” and kissed me right there in the middle of the dancefloor in front of God and everybody.  Our night continued on with us having a wonderful time and dancing the night away. 

When the party came to a close we went home, both a bit tipsy and fell into bed.  He scooted close to me and entangled his legs with mine and we sleepily talked for a little while.  Before we both drifted off to sleep he kissed my forehead and said “I’m so glad I’m laying here next to you”.  I melted right then and there, happily replied “me too” and fell asleep. 

It still completely amazes me how happy he makes me, how absolutely wonderful everything feels with him.  For the first time in my life I don’t feel like something is missing, I feel complete and it is the best feeling in the world.  I am so thankful he has been brought into my life and I truly cherish every moment I have with him.

Goings On

Sorry all, I haven’t had any overly exciting goings on the last couple of weeks.  I have just been chugging along getting ready for Christmas and enjoying my warm fuzzy moments courtesy of Zac and of course my Lily.  So far I’m on top of my Christmas game and with the exception of my co-workers I have gifts bought and made.  The quilt idea got revamped just a bit as I realized how unrealistic it was for me, the queen of procrastination, to actually design and sew a quilt by Christmas.  So, the quilt project still stands but I’m allowing myself more time to complete it.  Instead, he is getting a camouflage fleece tie blanket that turned out great.  It’s soft and snuggly and smells relaxing after a run through the washing machine.  Lily’s presents will arrive this week.  Two are from me and one is from Santa, the Santa gift will take the cake and is pure awesomeness.  She will love Santa after this even more than she does now. 

I am also unsure what I’m going to do after Christmas is over with her.  I have been using Santa (who is essentially a strange fat man who breaks into your home to leave presents for little kids), as a way for her to behave and pick up her toys.  I know this particular act of parenting will not win me any “mother of the year” awards but she is 4 and it is working rather well.  But once Santa has come and gone I will have to come up with a new tactic and I don’t think Cupid or the St. Pat’s Day Leprechaun hold as much sway as the big guy does. 

Moving day is getting closer for Zac.  He has applied for jobs down here and is just waiting to hear if he has gotten any of them.  He is hoping to be moved in by the middle of next month.  It’s exciting and hard to believe that if all goes right we will be living together within the next month, that within the next month my life will change completely.  I am still adjusting to the idea that I am part of a “we” again, that I am the other half of an actual couple.  Even though I was part of a couple with the Ex for almost nine years this idea seems almost completely foreign to me.  However, it’s foreign in a good way.  I feel like I’m experiencing these things for the first time again and that is a wonderful feeling. 

Sometimes one of the hardest things about new relationships is you can get droopy about the fact that both of you have experienced things with other people before and you can even get jealous over that idea even if you didn’t know each other back then.  I experienced these feelings a lot with the Ex and I’s relationship and I will admit it caused quite a bit of friction at times.  This time however is different, granted there are still little things that I wish Zac and I could experience for the very first time ever, but I’m okay that we can’t.  I’m okay in knowing that even though both of us have experienced certain things with other people, we’ve never experienced them together.  We have so many “firsts” to experience with each other.  The first time we held hands, the first time we kissed, all of the late night conversations we have in each other’s arms, learning the little things that make us tick.  It is all so exciting and new; it really feels like a fresh beginning and not just the same old things I’ve done with people before.  For me I don’t even remember that I’ve experienced these things with other people because right now all that matters is him.  I know that this is what is considered the “honeymoon” phase, but I hope that maybe I found someone that I will continue to feel this spark for.  The spark may change over the years, but will still be there.